Parents I Beg Of You, Please Don’t Let Your Children Grow Up To Be A Gymnast

Gymnastics

Gymnastics

I have Olympic Fever.  Loved the swimming, nothing like seeing Michael Phelps assemble more medals than most countries.  Beach volleyball – what’s not to love?  Track & Field – give me all you got.  You got a crazy Steeplechase where runners need to jump over a hurdle and into a pit of water?  Awesome, let’s throw some snakes in there for 2016.  Gymnastics?  No way, it is just too cruel – why don’t you just give me a live feed to a sneaker sweat shop in China, I will see the same amount of joy there.

Parents, For The Love of God, Don’t Let Your Children Be Gymnasts

Before you blast that hate mail out to me, let me explain.  It is not that I don’t appreciate how difficult gymnastics is, it is the exact opposite, I think it is too difficult to subject any child to.   As I watch the women’s gymnastics, I find myself feeling heartbroken for these poor girls.  One mistake in some super complicated routine and it is tears, heart break and four years of waiting for redemption.  Or you could be perfect and get screwed by a judge who just happens to not like the part of your hair.

Here are my top reasons why parents should never let their children grow up to be gymnasts…


  • You Need to Be Perfect…And No One is Perfect

Jordan missed plenty of shots and still won championships.  2 out of 3 times, a hitter in baseball can fail, and still win the MVP award.  No quarterback has ever needed a 100% pass completion ratio to win a Super Bowl.  Gymnast basically need to be perfect, a slip on the beam, mistime a flip on the floor and your chance of being a champion is destroyed.

  • Your Fate Rest In The Hands of Angry Looking Judges

Do those judges get fined if they smile?  If my kid is going to compete in the Olympics I want him to succeed or fail based on something real and tangible.  Beating the clock, scoring my goals or scoring more points.  What I don’t want is my son’s fate hanging in the subjective hands of judges who look like they beat crippled cats for pleasure.

  • Nobody Ever Seems Happy, Unless They Win Gold

In other sports people who win the silver or bronze are doing back flips and thanking everyone they ever met.  In watching the women’s individual gymnastics events, everyone looked like they were a shake away from throwing up.  A woman who comes in second by a thousandth of a point looks like someone just told her she has 3 weeks to live.  I want my kids to play in an Olympic sport where people smile!

  • Just Way To Many Creepy Coaches Hugging Young Girls

Is it just me, or are all those coaches a little creepy?  They look like those guys who the cops run off the playground for “suspicious behavior”.

Let The Hate Mail Fly

If my kids say they want to be an Olympic gymnast I will simply tell them that in four years gymnastics will be disbanded, so don’t waste your time.  I’m sorry, but it is just too hard, to many variables you can’t control and way too many creepy  characters involved.

Think I’m crazy and have no idea what I am talking about?  Fire back in the comments.  If it takes me a while to respond, that is just because I am out with the boys throwing snakes in the pool and practicing for the 2016 Steeplechase.

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