Give it up for us! As Moms and Dads, we put up with a lot of crap every day. Tripping over toys that the kids said they were going to pick up? No problem, that is why you have two ankles. Getting 3 hours of sleep and then managing to smile through the 50th game of Candyland? Piece of cake. We do however have our limits. There are certain universal phrases which can bring us to our knees…actually our knees to our chest as we enter the fetal position and weep uncontrollably.
Here Are The Top 10 Phrases That Will Destroy A Parent’s Day…
10. Coming Soon
It’s an election year, so I have a message for the candidates. Forget the economy, health care and all those trivial issues. If you want my vote, just promise to make it against the law for companies to advertise anything that is not out yet. Parents can not stand listening to their kids beg for some toy that is “coming soon”.
9. Assembly Required
It’s Christmas morning, little Bobbie is so excited that Santa brought him the super deluxe, mega cool scooter he really wanted. Now you can sit back, read the paper and enjoy your holiday as Bobbie rides his scooter around…NOT! You shriek in horror as you see those two horrendous words on the side of the box – “Assembly Required“. Don’t worry, you should have the scooter put together in time to enjoy New Year’s Eve.
8. I’m Bored, What Can I Do
You can’t spit without hitting a toy in your house. You have spent countless hours reading reviews and selecting the most fun toys for the kids. Your iPad long ago became your kid’s personal, unlimited game system. This all makes it all the more mind boggling when your kids start with the “I’m Bored, What Can I Do” chant.
7. Are We There Yet?
Does this really need any explanation? ‘Nuff said.
6. Image Not Shown to Scale
I think instead of learning ABCs and 123s in kindergarten they should teach the meaning of the phrase “Image Not Shown to Scale” to our children. This way, they would not throw a fit when that super cool robot dinosaur that looked huge on the box, is actually the size of a mosquito.
5. Collect the Whole Series
The box of the latest must have collectible toy might say, “Collect the Whole Series” but us parents read it as the following… Oh crap, how much am I going to have to blow to try to get the whole series of these ugly creatures? What the #@$^%, they come in mystery packs! Honey, better fire up the eBay machine.
4. But, I’m Not Tired
Here’s a tip, want to make some easy money – play poker with a bunch of kids. Kids make terrible poker players, because they have certain tells. For example, want to know exactly when a full force meltdown is coming? Anytime your child answers a question with “But, I’m Not Tired” – immediately go to your happy place because a full force, over tired meltdown is mere moments away.
3. I Didn’t Even Do Anything
Anytime you hear this, someone has definitely done something! Forget trying to figure out who started it, just know that a denial of doing anything, is a sure sign that something has been done. When something has been done and there is denial and debate about the doing, things will deteriorate damn quickly.
2. Daddy/Mommy, My Tummy Doesn’t Feel Good
Get the barf bag ready, warm up the washing machine, pull the pediatrician co-pay out of the change jar …the stomach bug is in the house. You know it is spreading to everyone in the house, so why not enjoy it. Go ahead and eat the most disgusting things you can think of …it’s only a matter of time before you throw them up anyway.
1. [Pure Silence]
This is perhaps the most terrifying sound a parent can not hear. Pure silence, no talking, screaming or anything is an absolute red alert that something has gone horribly wrong.
Let Us Know What Phrases Strike Horror In Your Heart
Have some phrases that just drive you insane? Drop them in the comments below, believe me, you will feel better just by sharing them.