I have some news about Santa, and prepare yourself because sometimes the truth hurts. What?? Of course Santa is real – get your mind out of the gutter. No, the news I have to share today is much more shocking and disturbing, you seated? Here it is – All Technology Companies Hate Santa!
CES 2012 Offers Undeniable Proof Of Conspiracy Against Santa
The International Consumer Electronics Show (CES2012) takes place next week in Las Vegas and we will be there to cover this giant Santa HateFest. I mean come on, it was just a few weeks ago that Santa and his elves slaved away to bring us the coolest, cutting edge gadgets. We have hardly finished updating the firmware and mounting our 80″ LCD TV and starting next week it all becomes surplus. Santa’s gifts become just one more has been, washed up, dull edge gadget to unload on eBay. Santa must be crying in his milk.
Need Proof of The Conspiracy? There Will Be Plenty Next Week
Did Santa bring you the world’s thinnest laptop for Christmas? Not for long. Toshiba has announced they will release the world’s thinnest and lightest 13.3 inch laptop at CES 2012. Who cares, laptops are dinosaurs anyway, Santa probably got hip and brought you the thinnest and lightest tablet. Not so fast says Santa hating Toshiba – they will also release the world’s thinnest and lightest 10.1 inch tablet. Oh, and to really drive a knife in Santa’s back they will demo a waterproof tablet with wireless charging capabilities, because if there is one place where we need more electronics it is in the bathtub.
You think it is just Toshiba? No, it is all the tech companies who insist on waiting just 2 weeks after Christmas to make everything Santa just brought you obsolete. That monster flat screen TV that Santa had to squeeze down the chimney? It might be okay for your bathroom once LG releases their just announced 84″ 3D Ultra Definition (HD is so 2011) Flat screen TV. I mean come on, how much more obvious can this Santa hating conspiracy be? I fully expect at CES 2012 that the 84″ TV will be showing an endless loop of tech company CEOs giving Santa the finger.
Fear Not, We Will Get To The Bottom of This Conspiracy
Yeah, yesterday we went on about how we were going to CES 2012 to try to find tech products that can make a Mom or Dad’s life a little easier, better or more fun in some way…blah, blah, blah. That is really just our cover story. We plan on asking the execs at the tech companies the hard questions that other blogs are afraid to ask at CES. Do You Hate Santa or Just Strongly Dislike Him? When Did You First Go On The Naughty List? Do You Think Santa is a Terrorist? If I Pull a Cute Puppy Out of My Bag Right Now, Would You Kick It or Strangle It?
If we could just get CES pushed back to June, Santa would at least be worshiped for 6 months as the provider of the coolest gifts. Fear not, Santa – we are in the case. Oh, and if doing all this good gets me that 84″ Ultra Definition 3D TV I would be very happy next Christmas.
Thinnest Notebooks via Gizmodo
LG 84″ TV via Cetatti
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