5 Fair Foods That Prove We Are All Doomed…Very, Very Doomed

Fair Food

Fair Food

Recently I took my family to the Big E – the state fair that takes place each year in Springfield, MA.  This is your basic fair – games of no-chance, death-trap rides, pigs that are bigger than  Pluto and of course the finest, healthiest cuisine on the planet.

Keeping in the theme of a fair, let’s start with a quick game.  Quick, make a slogan for a company that uses the following four  words –

  1. Fried
  2. Doctor
  3. Vegetables
  4. Fresh

Get is right and you win the giant Panda on the top shelf!  Ready, go… okay, did you come up with this…

Fried Food

I never thought I would see the words Doctor, Fried and Fresh Vegetables in the same sentence.  The sad thing was, this was the healthiest thing I saw all day at the fair.  It turns out fried vegetables are the MySpace of fair food.    They used to be exciting and new, but now they are old and have no shock value.

Five Fair Foods That Prove We Are All Doomed

We can all debate the debt, the distribution of wealth in this country and what shape the country will be in when our kids grow up – but really none of that will matter if we keep feeding our kids these five foods from the fair…

5. Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly

Fried PeanutButter and Jelly

Peanut Butter and Jelly is such a healthy food that it can be tricky to get kids to eat this earthy crunchy sandwich.   As parents, we all need to figure out some way to mask the almost medicine like taste of PB&J and it looks like deep frying the sucker and adding sugar on top might just be the way to get our kids to finally eat PB&J without complaining.

4. Fried Brownie Bites

Fried Brownie Bites

This sign says it all – Fried O’Licious .  Really nothing I could possibly add to that statement.  All I will say is that if the Fried Brownies Bites don’t do it for you, double down and get the Fried Almond Joy as well.

3. Fried Jelly Beans

Fried Jelly Beans

If I had a nickle for every time I heard someone say, “I wish my jelly beans were deep fried!” I would have…well…nothing.  But what do I know, I’m a dinosaur, I still think fried dough is something special.

2. Fried Butter Balls

Fried Butter Balls

Who doesn’t love a good butter ball?  Of course, the only problem with butter balls is that they are just not crunchy enough.  Fried Butter Balls to the rescue!  Why is this starting to sound like a Saturday Night Live sketch?

1. Fried Kool-Aid

Fried Kool-Aid

This one seems to break a number of laws of chemistry.  Can you really fry Kool-Aid?  Wouldn’t the Hey, Kool-Aid Pitcher Man just smash right out of the fried shell?  Or is the fried crust stronger than those brick walls he so easily smashed through back in the day?

I Wish I Could Say I Was Making This All Up

Yes, I could have photoshopped images to create the above foods.  I could have also scoured the internet to find the craziest fried food photos from around the world.  Unfortunately, I did not have to do either of those things.  This was just a sampling of some of the fine cuisine I saw at one afternoon at the Big E fair.

Sure, we may all be doomed if this is the diet we are feeding our kids – but at least we will all go our with a smile on our face…and a little powdered sugar.

Seen Any Other Crazy Fair Food?  Leave Us a Comment and Let Us Know

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