An Open Letter To Mosquitoes, You Suck In Every Sense of The Word



Here at Dad Does we are always searching for things to review that can make a Mom or Dad’s life a little easier or better in some way.   Over the past year we have been lucky enough to review some excellent products that really do make our lives better, but that is not what we are going to talk about today.   No, today we look at the opposite extreme – the one thing that makes everyone’s life worse and less enjoyablemosquitoes!

Dear Mosquitoes, You Were Here First, So How About You Leave First?

Yes, I know you mosquitoes have been on this planet for over 100 million years.   Sure, you have over 3,500 species – good for you.   You live on almost every continent, it is clear you have had a good run – but it is time for it to end.  In case you didn’t realize, everyone hates you….and for good reason!  Let’s not pull punches here, look at what you are responsible for…

  • You spread Malaria, Yellow Fever, Dengue Fever, Japanese Encephalitis, Rift Valley Fever, Chikungunya Virus and West Nile virus
  • Each year 247 million people are infected with Malaria and 1 million people die
  • You put a huge medical and financial burden on our country
  • You ruin cookouts and camping trips for families all over the world

Clearly you have overstayed your welcome here, so please just go back to the hell you were sent from.

But Don’t We Do Some Good for this Planet?

In a word – NO!  What’s that you say?  You make a great meal for bats?  Not really, bats actually prefer Moths – you make up only 2% of the gut content of a bat.  You pollinate some plants and fruits? Big deal, it’s not like your bees, your pollination skills are less than impressive and could easily be replaced by a far less annoying insect.   As Janet McAllister, medical entomologist of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Fort Collins, Colorado says “If there was a benefit to having them around, we would have found a way to exploit them…We haven’t wanted anything from mosquitoes except for them to go away.

You Know The Best Reason For Not Killing You?  Humans Would be Too Happy!

Phil Lounibos, an ecologist at the Florida Medical Entomology Laboratory in Vero Beach says that “eliminating mosquitoes would temporarily relieve human suffering“.   If you were all gone tomorrow, campgrounds around the world would be suddenly overrun by campers who had given up camping due to your desire to suck our blood.

Yes, over at the KOA Campfire people are discussing great ways to keep you at bay while we camp, but come dusk on a hot rainy night it seems like you really just want to pick a fight with us.  We are not looking to fight you, we just want your entire species completely destroyed – is that too much to ask?

My Offer To You, Give Us 100 Million Years and Then You Can Have Your Planet Back

We clearly can’t coexist – you keep biting us and we keep killing you – this isn’t working for either of us.  Look, us humans are a reasonable bunch, so let’s make a deal.  You have been on this planet for 100 million years, now it is our turn.   You guys go into hibernation for 100 million years and let us humans enjoy our time outdoors.  100 million years from today we will all go inside our space pods and you can have your planet back.  What do you say?

Conclusion:  Mosquitoes, The Most Useless Insect Ever

As a product review site for Moms and Dads, we now need to determine if mosquitoes will make a Mom or Dad’s life a little easier or better in some way.  The answer is, absolutely not! Mosquitoes suck and turn family outings into DEET festivals.    Sorry, mosquitoes, but you fail miserably at making anyone happier.     We really can not recommend mosquitoes to anyone.

Mosquitoes, Every Last One of The Blood Suckers, Gets a 1 D (scale of 1 to 5) -

1D Review
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More Information:

Nature News:  A World Without Mosquitoes

FULL DISCLOSURE: We received hundreds of mosquitoes this summer. We did not ask for these mosquitoes and do not believe that receiving free mosquitoes every time we step outside has influenced our objectivity in writing this review. We received no money for doing this review, but we did lose plenty of blood.

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