Summer is always a great time for Dads. Of course, summer really kicks off with the highest holy holiday of the year – Father’s Day. We had a great time creating our Ultimate Father’s Day Gift Guide, and enjoyed spending much of the summer doing brutally honest product reviews on other possible gifts for Dad. Still, as summer comes to a close we can’t help but feel a void.
Even though we covered some great gifts for Dads, it just felt like a few key gifts were missing. Why didn’t we review those key gifts for Dads? One simple reason, they have not been invented yet. So, here is our gift to all the inventors out there – the 5 Greatest Dad Gifts Never Invented…
1. The iKids App, “Because Life Live Is Too Stressful“
If Tivos, DVRs and Janet Jackson have taught us anything it is that sometimes we just need a 5 second delay. Introducing, The iKids App for Moms and Dads everywhere. Let’s start with the technology…
You get a pair of noise canceling headphones that are tuned to the exact frequency of your kids’ voices. You have the headphones plugged into your iPhone running the iKids app. The app records everything that is being said by your kids in real time and plays it back into your headphone, with one important difference – a phrase filter!
Kid says “I’m bored” the iKids App changes it to “You’re the best Dad in the world“. The little one says “I don’t want to go to bed” and iKids App says “I love you Daddy and can’t wait to sleep 12 hours“. Add as many phrases as you like and just think how enjoyable life could be if you never heard your kids complain again?
2. Membership in the 20 Year Old Dudes Club
Dad doesn’t really want a membership to a gym. The only reason Dad drags himself to the gym at all is to attempt to look and feel younger. Dad wants to escape his “boring” Dad life and relive his glory days. Let’s cut right to the chase then and give Dad what he really wants – a membership in the 20 Year Old Dude Club.
Here is how it works, first a shrewd entrepreneur gets a bunch of 20 something year old guys together and pays them to accept a new dude into their circle. Of course, all payment is done in the international currency for 20 year old guys – beer. This is all it takes to create this amazing new product.
Now, you can sell Dads a one month membership into the 20 Year Old Dude Club. As part of the membership, the other dudes treat Dad just like a 20 something year old dude. Dad will receive endless tasteless tweets, sex filled status updates and totally twisted texts. The dudes will invite Dad to come with them as they drink, play video games, talk about all the wild things they never really did and then drink some more.
Why will there only be a one month membership? Because we guarantee after one month Dad will be begging for his “boring” Dad life back.
3. Video Games With Stealth Dad Boost
We have a whole section on video game reviews for parents and it is clear that there are some great games for Dads and some great games for kids. The problem comes when the two worlds collide. When your child says, “Hey Dad, I want to play you in one of my video games” what he really means is “Hey Dad, I want to make a fool of you and show you how pathetic you are“.
The area of the brain that allows guys to know which combination of buttons to push to do a triple spinning Ninja side kick just dies when we have kids. Even worse, our kids know this and try to exploit our disability. Well, not anymore – with Video Games With Stealth Dad Boost.
Video Games With Stealth Dad Boost would be the exact same video games your kids play now, with one new stealth feature. If a Dad is playing, they get a computer enhanced boost. How will the game know when a Dad is playing? Easy, if a player hits fire 6 times in a row when they should have hit jump – they are clearly a Dad, and the boost is enabled. Suddenly the Dad is jumping, spinning and fighting like a 12 year old. How do we keep this feature a secret from the kids? Simple, list it in the manual – which kids never read.
4. The Life GPS
GPS systems are great, they tell us how to drive from point A to point B with clear directions. If we miss a turn, the GPS calmly recalculates and tells us how to get back on track. Imagine how useful it would be if we had a device that told Dads how to get from point A to point B in life. Introducing the Life GPS…
The Life GPS would allow guys to put in where they are in the day – say, at an all day work conference on how to use the new office copier and then enter the destination of where they want to be – at the ball park watching the day-night doubleheader. The Life GPS then gives you clear directions…”Fake heart attack. When in ambulance bribe EMS driver to take you to the ballpark. Game Sold Out? Recalculating… In 100 feet enter bar and watch game on TV“.
5. The Already Done To Do List
This is no-brainer and really a crime that it does not exist yet. Dads always have a long list of projects to do and it is just flat out depressing to pick up the list and see all the things you have NOT done. Come on, let’s see the glass half full and let Dad see all the things he HAS done!
Here is how the Already Done To Do List works. You go online and start by creating a list of everything you have ever done in your life. Then and only then, will you be allowed to enter other things that you need to do. You can then print out your ToDo list, but for everything you have to do, the software will also print out 10 things you have already done.
Dads, imagine the joy of scanning your To Do list and seeing things like – Build Crib, done. Child proof bathroom, done. So what your kid is now a senior in college, it still feels great to see all the things you have done on your To Do List!
There You Have it, The 5 Dad Gifts That Need to Get Made
Okay all you smart inventors, get to work on these great Dad gift ideas. In the meantime, we here at DadDoes.Com will continue to look for terrific products to review in all categories. Inventors, don’t feel like you need to wait until Father’s Day to launch these ideas – we are currently working on our Awesome Holiday Gift Guide for Dads 2011 and we will keep a spot warm for you!