Tax Day, April 15th is fast approaching. I don’t care if you are a Democrat or Republican, Liberal or Conservative – the act of writing out checks to the government is a real downer. In theory, you might be totally cool with the concept of paying taxes so your kids can have a decent education and maybe even a park to play in, but when it come to actually writing out the checks, let’ be honest – it hurts.
[Update: So it turns out Tax Day is April 18th because Emancipation Day is April 16th, which of course means Washington DC celebrates it on April 15th. We all know that the world would cease to exist if Emancipation Day was observed on Tax Day – so Tax Day is kicked to April 18th. Still, April 15th sounds so much better, so we are using poetic license and calling April 15th Tax Day in this post. Accuracy be damned!]
Dad Does Feels Your Pain and Wants to Help
We realize the best way to help you survive Tax Day is to pay your taxes keep you completely distracted on Tax Day. Over the past 6 months we have reviewed a whole sleuth of products – toys, food, gadgets, shaving cream, books and more – with one simple goal – to find products that will make a Dad and Mom’s life a little easier and/or better.
Well, time to put our reviews to the test. If there was ever a day that Moms and Dads could use products that will make their life easier and better, it is April 15th – Tax Day. So, we have come up with a foolproof plan of using the products we have reviewed to keep you completely distracted and happy on April 15th.
Honest Reviews… Because We Hate Paying Taxes
At Dad Does we actually don’t need to pay any taxes. We have NEVER received payment for any product review, NEVER receive any money if you buy a product we recommend and have no advertising (read our Real Review Pledge). When you make $0 – your taxes really aren’t bad.
The upshot of our tax free business model is we can provide you with brutally honest and unbiased product reviews. As we go through our plan to survive Tax Day below we have included links to our product reviews – we just want to be clear – these are NOT paid placements. We like to joke around and have fun, but we take our reviews seriously – every review is based on our real world experience living with and testing the products.
Our Step by Step Plan to Stay Completely Distracted on April 15th -
You wake up in the morning – shaking of course. Some people say if you look good, you feel good – so let’s give that a shot. Grab a quick shower and then go wild with the Bulldog Natural Grooming products – do it all – shave, moisturize, hell even go with the face scrub this morning.
Now you look and smell great, but we are going to need some real nutrients on the inside to survive today. Run downstairs and pry a few Chobani Champions Greek yogurts out of your kid’s hands. Sure the kids will cry and ramble on about needing to share – but the kids will be fine, it is April 15th and you need protein to survive this day.
Champions has twice the protein of regular yogurt, so unless you want to pull a Rocky and drink a bunch of eggs – woof down the Champions and then chase it down with some Amy and Brian Coconut Water. Do you really need a bunch of electrolytes and potassium to make it through Tax Day? Who knows, but coconut water will get you thinking about sitting on a beach in the tropics and today distraction is our friend.
Kids safely at school, you will now be tempted to turn on the TV or radio, read the newspaper or maybe even go online – DO NOT DO IT! Stories about Tax Day will be everywhere – horrible reminders of all the money you sent the government – we can’t have this bringing you down. No, we need to go old school today.
Read a book, that is a good way to get through the day. Of course, you are a parent, so you probably only have kids books in the house. Grab The Butt Book and give that a read. A book all about butts – how can you not smile when you read this picture book?
The Butt Book is great, but short. We need a longer distraction – how about grabbing any of the Top 20 Science Fiction Books for kids and getting lost in another world for a while. Sci-Fi works well, I don’t think the word Taxes ever comes up in Sci-Fi – sure the world is often being destroyed by aliens, but at least no taxes.
The book thing worked well, but now it is time to get the kids from school. Today we alter the routine slightly. Head over to the freezer and take out your PackIt freezer bag. You will need the PackIt for a quick pit stop we are going to make at the liquor store before heading to school. Get a couple of nice micro brews and throw them in the PackIt – don’t worry the PackIt will keep things cool for up to 10 hours.
Grab the kids from school – avoid speaking to any other parents. Someone is sure to say something like “Got your taxes done yet?” This is a strategic operation today, get in and get out. Also, don’t ask the kids how their day was, just too risky. Excellent chance one of their teachers decided to give a history lesson on taxation and America – you do not need to hear this today!
Keep the distractions coming by playing some great games with the kids. Build a city with the Girders and Panel building kits. As far as I know, you do not get taxed for toy houses…yet. Once you are all built out – get everyone into a fun family game like Skippity or Snack Attack!
Now it is time to get dinner ready. I recommend something simple and quick. A long sit down dinner could lead to conversation where the kids suddenly become all academic and want to know more about why we pay taxes. Consume your food and then move them out.
Remember that PackIt we stuffed with beer earlier? Time to put it to good use. First grab some Q.Bel All Natural Chocolate and shove it in that PackIt. Today calls for beer and comfort food – the comfort food being all natural will remove the guilt from eating comfort food.
We are in the home stretch now, time to finish strong. Put the kids in front of the TV and pop in the Storyland Yoga DVD and tell them to do some Yoga while “Mommy and Daddy do some work.”
Time for the sneak away – grab your PackIt (filled with beer and chocolate), a 1040 Tax Form and a Xploderz gun. If you have a backyard – head out to it. Now, before you morally judge us for telling you to sneak out on the kids, understand that we recommend you put a D-Link DCS 930L surveillance camera in the TV room so you can use your iPhone to keep an eye on your kids while they do Yoga.
It is finally party time! Crack open the micro brews. Need a bottle opener? Just use your iPhone. As an avid DadDoes.Com reader you obviously have the BeAHeadcase Bottle Opener iPhone case. Get into those Q.Bel All Natural Chocolates and just eat and drink with your spouse like there is no tomorrow. Well, we are parents, so figure about half a beer should have us feeling pretty good.
Now tape that 1040 form up to a tree and get your Xploderz gun ready. Xploderz shoot little gel balls up to 100 feet, so it is time to let lose. Blast away at that 1040 form and occasionally laugh like a madman. The sound of little gel balls splatting against a 1040 form will bring a slightly demented smile to your face.
Time to head back in – with any luck, the kids all passed out in front of the TV while doing Yoga. You’ve made it – all you need to do is put the kids in bed and then go to sleep yourself and act as if 4/15 never happened.
As you put the kids in the bed, give them a kiss and stare at their beautiful faces you suddenly realize being a parent makes everyday wonderful…even Tax day.