Having grown up in New York City, I never really had the opportunity to experience malls and their magical food courts. Now, as a father, I find myself amazed at the mind numbing powers of any Mall Food Court.
Mall Food Courts – An Attack on Your Senses
If you have not had the privilege to spend time in a Mall Food Court after shopping with your kids let me set the stage for you…
The first thing that hits you when you enter the food court is the smell. It is clearly fried, somewhat meaty and just lingers around your body. You can be in any food court in America, but the smell is always the same. You might think the smell would be enough to knock you over, but the noise of the food court is so strong that it actually stops your body from hitting the ground.
The Perfect Storm of Noises
As a parent we all know noise. We have heard happy screams, scared screams, playful screams, grumpy screams… it is just rare that we hear them all together. The Food Court brings together every type of noise ever produced by a child and echos it forever.
You may think that the noise and smell would force any parent to go running from a Food Court, but it actually has the opposite effect. With our senses overloaded beyond compare, our bodies actually give up. We all turn into zombies, completely oblivious to anything that may go on around us. I have seen Dad’s take a chicken nugget on the head and not even blink. I know Buddist Monks would could not pull off this feat of concentration – but the trance like state that the Food Court produces goes beyond any meditation skills.
Food Courts and Murder, A Perfect Pair Like Peanut Butter and Jelly
For years I have wondered how to harness the bizarre mind numbing effect of the Food Courts – and then it hit me – this is the perfect place to kill someone. Before I offend too many readers, let me be clear – I am just talking about killing a loser – we should all be cool with that.
However you decide to off this fellow – don’t worry about the noise it might make, or the visual spectacle no one is going to hear or see it. What are the chances of anyone forcing themselves out of their zombie state, and risk being aware of the noise and smells they are swimming in, just to stop you from taking out a person that is breathing in whatever usable oxygen is left in the Food Court? No, no one is going to take that risk, it is just not worth it.
Have a Funny Food Court Experience – Share it in the comments below!